pooped

I have never not looked forward to a race more than I am right now… I am taking a break from a few hours in traffic after a crazy week with bad food and little sleep and I guess I just dont have the drive left in me right now. Not to be a party pooper but I am head underwater stressed out behind on sleep and feeling like poop!

The last few weeks of building my endurance ran right into a rest week full of stress at work. I have a presentation to deliver to Cisco Systems about Cisco Systems. Business relevance of technology and the value add that my company can deliver across a solution lifecycle with our cradle to grave methodology....Aaagghh... I feel sick going over and over in my head. Add to that the fact we are trying to finish our vacation plans because we leave the country next friday and I just dont have the time! I am beat but I started a few lists in my head tonight and thought I would blog it out...

Reasons to sit it out
Excuses - I can go on and on with these but I realize they are self imposed. Just found this quote too! "When a man says 'I cannot', he has made a suggestion to himself. He has weakened his power of accomplishing that which otherwise would have been accomplished." ~ Muhammad Ali
Overexposed - Do I need a rest and I am putting my health, season at risk if I push too much?
Balance - Racing is not work for me. I race for fun. There is no reason I need to do a race this weekend. Maybe this is what I need and this should go in the next section?
Selfishness? - I still need to drive tonight, check in early to pick up my packet and will miss Monique and her family (and Moms BDAY) on Saturday if I race.
I want to sleep.

Reasons to push on
Attitude - Starts and Ends here. nuff said
Pride - Many sides of my pride unfortunately but I know it wont be my best performance going into the race with 8 hours of swim, bike, run for the week already and a lousy week but I am doing this for fun and if I can enjoy myself who cares what my time is...Do I? Why cant I just go and ride . . . Why push myself all of the time? Pride or Self Challenge? Where does it come from and to who does it go? I guess if it comes from within and to prove to myself it is not pride... I think I like to torcher myself :-)
Balance - My friend at work always says "balance is Gods favorite word" and I think he is on to something there. Maybe I need to race to throw off my work and zone out of the world for a while and into my HR beat?

Decided. I am going to get up @ 3:30am and drive out to the race. I am going on some of the best trails in OC and will get to race with some fantastic mountain bikers on a great supported course. Why would I not go. I will take it at my pace. Leave my watch at home(make sure to bring my camera) and enjoy every minute of the day.

Carpe Diem - Seize the Day.